Returning to Life

Sometimes it feels like nothing has happened over the last few weeks, but really everything has happened. On Monday I turned 32, I drove for the first time in two months, I went back to work and I had my first drink since surgery (naturally it was champagne, it was my birthday). I have more energy every day. I’m moving back upstairs. I haven’t had a mini meltdown in over a week. My life is by no means what it was, but it is more normal. I’m not sure it ever will be the same again. On Wednesday I had the best doctor appoint I’ve had in I don’t know how long. My blood counts are normal! Not on the very high end of normal, but normal. I am finally gaining weight which is not something I ever thought I would be excited about, but I am. I won’t get my first post surgical scans until 12 weeks so I get to go a whole month without going to see a doctor. I haven’t done that since any of this started. I am in a holding pattern once again, but it doesn’t seem as bad as some of the other ones. I have no idea what the scans will show. I don’t know what next steps will be, but I’m pretty sure I don’t have to do any more chemo.

Going back to work has been an adjustment. I got a little to used to doing nothing. It is really nice to use my mind and to be around people. I missed my coworkers. I went in four partial days and worked from home the best. Once I have the energy for full days at work I might balance full days at home and at work instead of having to drive in every day. It’s definitely going to be a figure it out as I got thing. Once again I’m incredibly grateful for such a great workplace and great coworkers.

This weekend two of my DC friends came to visit. One of them I had not seen in years. I will always be grateful for friendships where it doesn’t feel like time has passed. I was able to do somethings and sometimes we just sat around my house and watched mediocre movies.

One thing I never really talked about publicly was losing my hair. I didn’t lose any of my hair on the first chemo drug (the first 5 rounds), but with the second, strong drugs my hair began thinning. And for someone who has had thick curls her whole life this was something new and unexpected. For a long time I just ignored that I was shedding at an alarming rate. In early December I had a breakdown over my hair and went and met with the hair and wig specialist at the Cancer Center. By that time I had maybe a quarter of my hair left and I didn’t feel like me anymore. She helped me find something that felt like me. I know some people noticed. Some people may not have. Some just thought my hair was darker. Now that I am three months removed from chemo I have MY hair growing back. It is thick and I’m pretty sure there is curl or wave in it. I desperately want my long curls back, but that is going to take a long time and I have almost accepted this. I have stopped wearing the wig at home.  A few friends got to see me with it and without a hat, but I was still uncomfortable going out in public. My wonderful friends convinced me to go out as me this weekend and I realized I am more comfortable with my short hair than I am the wig. So this is me and someday I’ll have my long curls back.

17218690_10210705084876126_5348234561149097195_o

 

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Returning to Life

  1. Sending you the hugest virtual hug imaginable. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all of this. It sucks, but I’m glad that some things are slowly returning to (the new new) normal.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s