Timewarp

Cancer screws with time to begin with and then 2020 has been an unbelievable timewarp on top of that. In one way I cannot believe surgery was six weeks ago, in another it seems like it might still be March or April. Even more unbelievable is that I was diagnosed four years ago. It seems like yesterday and it seems like a lifetime ago. I had so much of my life stolen from me yet I have also lived so much. I started looking back on my annual “cancerversary” posts. It’s not really something I want to ever celebrate but it’s also a day I will never forget. There is so much I blocked out about that first year that I finally had to relive this year with my recurrence. Still interesting to look back on my own memories at the time.

Somehow it has been four years since I went in for surgery thinking there was a chance I had ovarian cancer and woke up to learn I had appendix cancer, something I had never heard of. In those four years I have gone through all the shitty stuff yet also really lived my life. In the last year alone I have traveled back to Italy, across this country (there was life before the pandemic), graduated with my MBA and then stuck in my own home for what feels like forever.

The day I found out about my recurrence in January was the same day I was offered a new job. Talk about an insanely odd day. I had to walk into a new job and tell them about my cancer and that I’d need to be out every other Friday for treatment. I thankfully ended up in a very caring place.

Starting chemo for a second time was weird for a number of reasons. I kind of had blocked it all out and never really thought about having to do it again. I also knew what to expect this time. I lost my hair so quickly yet was expecting it. Still sucks, a lot. At least it’s already growing back. They took out one drug but I had a different one for all eight rounds and boy was it additive. The two weeks between treatments got shorter and shorter.

I really thought I would not agree to another surgery. I was ready to say no. I am so glad I chose to have the surgery. It was shorter and simpler than expected and incredibly successful. My recovery has been amazing. I feel better at six weeks post surgery than I did at six months post surgery last time. I’m back to kayaking. I’m back to tiny workouts. I’d be back to more if it weren’t for a pandemic.

Someday I’ll travel again. Until then I will live in this crazy timewarp and be grateful for my health today.

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